7 Tips to Grow Thankful Kids in a Gimme World
This article was originally published when our girls were young. I’ve updated some content, but kept the principles and the setting of that season of life.
It was a rude awakening. It was Christmas morning, and there were lots of presents under the tree. I specifically remember someone had given us a lovely dollhouse that we saved to give the girls for Christmas. I wrapped the small things individually so they would have more things to open. That’s sounds like fun, right?
Not exactly. After each present, the girls would say, “What’s next?” without even acknowledging the present they had just opened. Harold and I were dumbfounded. Who were these ungrateful little things that resembled our precious daughters, and how did they get this way?
We began to incorporate intentional ways to grow daughters who would become grateful for the little things in life and thankful for what they received. We weren’t looking for an instant fix; we needed a lifestyle change and a lot of prayer! Here are a few of the changes we made in our family.
Choose Three
I had heard of families who gave their children three gifts for Christmas, but I didn’t want to be one of them. It brought me joy to give gifts. How could I ever limit myself to only three? Would the girls be angry? Would we ruin them?
Then, we calculated how many gifts our girls received: several from Harold’s parents, several from my parents, and several from aunts and uncles. Clearly, they weren’t lacking presents to open.
Harold and I decided that we would give each girl only three gifts the following Christmas. We talked to the girls and prepared them in advance so they wouldn’t be disappointed.
Our Christmas the following year was a precious time of excitement. They were grateful for what they received. No one asked what was next, because they could count to three! And so, the “Three Gift Policy” was adopted and has continued ever since.
On the day we decorate the Christmas tree, the girls receive an ornament representing a memory from the past year. On Christmas Day, the girls have three presents to open from us, as well as a small present in their stocking. We open one present at a time, so the receiver has time to thank the giver.
The girls also buy gifts for each other. We used to give them a budget and take them to Dollar Tree, but now they save up their own money and ask me to take them to specific shops, including the thrift store. The girls take time to consider their budget and their sisters’ desires.
Several of the girls have expressed that they would like to use the “Three Gift Policy” when they have children. I am grateful God showed us another way. Our Christmas is filled with so much joy. And I was worried that it might ruin them.
Start a Modeling Career
When I first noticed our ungrateful girls, God challenged me to examine my own heart. Was I content with what God had given me? What attitude was I portraying to my girls?
What was the message I was sending with my words?
“If only we could afford…”, “I wish we could…”, “I wish we had…” My husband and I were responsible for setting a tone of gratefulness in our home, and I wasn’t doing my part.
When my thankful heart verbally recognized beautiful sunsets, parking spaces close to an entrance, and answered prayers, I discovered the words of my daughters began to echo my thankful heart.
Also, we try hard to always use please and thank you with each other, even when we’re at home. Truly, the words are not always attached to a true heart of thankfulness, but it encourages an awareness of being thankful for what someone has done for you. We don’t want to become so familiar with family that we neglect the simple courtesies of life.
What you see is what you get want.
A few months after the Christmas fiasco, we made some changes to our daily life. We discontinued watching broadcast television. Without the constant barrage of commercials, I found that the girls were more content with what they had and weren’t constantly asking for something. When I asked them to make a Christmas list the following year, they had a difficult time thinking of what they wanted!
The more we see, the more opportunity discontentment has to plant seeds of unthankfulness.
We also limited our shopping trips. When one of our daughters was about seven, she would walk through the store picking up things and saying, “Mom, we really need this!” I would remind her why we didn’t really need that and then she’d find something else “we really needed.” I’m happy to say that today, she has a grateful heart and is very careful how she spends her money.
Lastly, we limited catalogs which reminded the girls of what they didn’t have. I like to shop online, so I receive a lot of catalogs, especially around Christmas time. The girls would take the catalogs and begin to highlight what they wanted, or “needed,” as they would sometimes say. When the girls weren’t seeing all the things they could have, it made them grateful for what they did have.
“No Choice” Days
Somewhere around the age of four, one daughter decided she was ready to make decisions for herself. She never said it in those words, but suddenly everything we chose wasn’t what she wanted. She didn’t want to wear that dress; or watch that video; or eat that for breakfast.
We bought into it for a little while, giving her two acceptable choices and allowing her to decide. She grew increasingly ungrateful and wanted something other than our options. Children need to learn how to make wise decisions, but they also need to obey without complaining.
God inspired us to have “no choice” days—mom and/or dad chose everything, including what to eat, what to wear, what to do. As the girls became content with our choices, they became grateful even when they didn’t get their own way.
Encourage Generosity
Even when our income was lean, we gave as generously as we could. We weren’t looking to draw attention to ourselves or gain anyone’s approval; we wanted to show our children that people are valuable to God and they’re valuable to us.
When the youngest daughter outgrew clothes, we’d ask, “Who does this look like?” They named a friend, and we gifted the garment.
As the girls grew, they often saw something at a store and asked, “Can we buy this for (insert person’s name)?” If it was within reason in our budget, we made the purchase.
Now, when the girls see something that reminds them of a friend, they use their own money to buy gifts for special occasions or just because.
One Thankful Bite
Years ago, I was having a conversation with my friend about children, mealtime, and how to handle food they didn’t like. She told me about her mother’s plan: each child must eat one bite of each dish that is served, even the dishes they don’t like. This was called their “one thankful bite.”
This stretched their taste buds a bit, and it encouraged them to be thankful for the food they had without a lengthy speech on the conditions of children in Africa. The plan has served our family well. Some still don’t like mashed potatoes, but others have learned to like things they snarled their nose at five years ago.
Use Words
From a young age, we had a deal that the girls couldn’t use their new gift until they had written and sent a thank you note.
When they were very young, they scribbled, then advanced to drawing pictures, and eventually to copying words they dictated to me.
One of my friends provided her elementary-aged kids with stationary, stamps, and addresses of friends and family, so they could own the process.
My girls are much better at thank you’s than I am. I write the thank you notes, but somehow they don’t get in the mail! I’m still working on that…
A Marathon, Not a Sprint
Keep in mind that cultivating a grateful and thankful heart doesn’t just happen. It takes intentional focus and consistency on the part of a parent, grandparent, or caregiver.
Sometimes it seems like it gets worse before it gets better! Don’t give up! A change in perspective doesn’t happen overnight. Raising godly children isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon. It takes determination and focus on the goal which may seem miles away!
Today, our daughters are certainly not perfect, but they are thankful and grateful for even the smallest things. They are genuinely excited for gifts they receive and content with what they have—most days! They say please and thank you to each other, often without a reminder!
There are many ways to encourage thankfulness in your home. God is faithful and He will give you the perfect ideas for your family.
Think about it . . .
Do you have a grateful heart for your current circumstances and what you have? If not, take a moment to ask God to forgive you and to give you a heart of thankfulness.
What locations or situations trigger ungratefulness in your home or family?
What one habit can you add this month to grow thankfulness in your heart and in the hearts of your family members?
